I want to study...!!

i am so lacked in studying, i was spending my time throwing of ideas, expressing opinions...and thats all.
on life, on friendship..
just to make someone think.
and thinking is tiring, but thinking is what make life matters in the end, coz we end up learning something in the end.
i have so many queries, plans, missions, questions i need some answers too..and maybe just an understanding.
and insyaAllah, i will in the mean time.

btw, i really want to meet Tun Dr. Mahathir...
anyone who have any ideas how, tell me k:)
take care..
and i want to study!!:)

Friend..friends?

This quote," Berkawan biar seribu, berkasih biar satu"...

i know many people that believe in this, and i might say i once too. But when i think on it...
1. You can have all the friends in the world, it will make our world less lonely and things in our life more colorful, i admitted..but that will stop until that.
2. a quote also "we have none other than 10 true friends in life, and to find one is difficult"..
3. what i want to say is, we need our support system, someone that will hold us, and be there for us..it will be really hard to fully understand the situation, but what can be done, is just be there for each other.
and the kekasih in those quote, may be it meant, when we do get have a lover, getting married, that someone will be the support system. but what if something happen in the end of the road?
just embrace yourself...and learn from the mistake.
Do we need just a friend that will be by our side, through thick and thin, or friends that will make our life wonderful, but when we in need,we just need and go that understanding person, to enlighten our life perspectives.
so people, find that particular friend, and keep it for life.
There will be more catastrophic events that will come later on, and we need that particular person.
we just need the support system....
:)..Allah (God) is important, but that what friend made for rite?

Us Against The World

[Nicky:]
Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world
Against the world

[Shane:]
You and I, we’ve been at it so long
I still got the strongest fire
You and I, we still know how to talk
Know how to walk that wire

[Mark:]
Sometimes I feel like The world is against me
The sound of your voice, baby
That's what saves me
When we're together I feel so invincible

[Shane:]
Cause it's us against the world
You and me against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight

[Nicky:]
Us against the world
Against the world

[Mark:]
There’ll be days
We’ll be on different sides but
That doesn’t last too long
We find ways to get it on track
And know how to turn back on

[Shane:]
Sometimes I feel
I can’t keep it together
Then you hold me close
And you make it better
When I’m with you
I can feel so unbreakable

[Mark:]
Cause it's us against the world
You and me against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight

We’re not gonna break
Cause we both still believe
We know what we’ve got
And we’ve got what we need alright
We’re doing something right...

[Shane & Mark:]
Cause it's us against the world
You and me against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight

Us against the world
You and me against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Us against the world
Yeah it’s Us against the world, baby
Us against the world
Tonight

[Nicky:]
Us against the world
Against the world
Us against the world

A food for thought...

I had a conversation with a friend of mine; and he told me this..
"A man that supposed to be lead by his brain (mind),
A woman supposed to lead by her emotions,
but..
when a man was lead by his emotions, thats mean either he anak manja or x rase susah in life til he did not grow up..
and when a women was lead by her mind, thats mean she had many experiences and kesusahan in life that make her be that way."

So, where i am?...
I am lead by both. I am rational, and sensible..but i am emotional lead also.
I am not totally menjadi lelaki, or hati amat keras, coz sometimes my emotions took over and i am a woman at that moment.

Just in balance, is what i am.
Nway, this blog may be on hold for a while, til my exam is over.

The Challenge: Mahathir Mohammad

I just finished read this book, today. After, i borrowed it for nearly a semester, finally its over. And i was very impressed with the way our previous PM thoughts on many aspects and how he laid all the causes, effects, consequences while take consideration on many aspects. It was a good book, and now i will get started to read 'Malay Dilemma' after my final exam eventually.
Nway, just to share this, I quoted from that book, on the chapter, Corruption;
"If a student gets a scholarship on the promise that he will study, but uses the opportunity for other purposes, this is also corruption. (149: Mahathir)."..
and how about that. This makes me think a lot. I mean, we see corruption as bribes or whatever you want to name it, but actually, we have been practicing it our selves.
I mean, if as a student gets a scholarship, but used the money to get married or to support him/her in getting married..is that corruption?..or will they justify that when they get married, they can study?...
reading this chapter is an eye opener...i wont say much on this topic, but eventually, what can i say is, everyone is doing it, without they realizing it and sometimes, we think that maybe what we are doing is for a better cause, then it is okay..therefore, one thing to be reminded each and everyday in life..
there is no good and bad in life and in person.
there is just it.
and when i finished reading it, i wonder..if i can spend a day with Tun Dr. Mahathir and listen to him, not when he talks on UMNO politics, but more in Malaysia, Malays, and life..
His opinion what i want to understand most and i to see his persepctives is what i desired also.

today...

i found that good guys are still exist...oh, what i mean was, mr. clean (s):)...and i found out that, yes..pray (sembahyang) is the best shield ever...admit by certain org juga..and i found out that..yes, "open up your plan, and then your free" (iM yOURS:Jason Marz)..so now, have to open up...alot:)
so now, my faith is up, i have something to believe in and i know, life is full of surprise and also...
some people, have this kekuatan that make you strong...and know when to stop, even the emotions are riding high.

Mingle, Socialising....loser and winner?

Today, my social calender, went up..i urm, not used to it. so i miss my books more and reading more. Its been days since i read. i MISS that.
What i can deduced from that, is...mingle and socializing is great..and both tiring, but it can open up the mind, sharpen the perspectives and (only when they know how to utilize it)...make connection (this is common)...but somehow, we tend to make mistakes when we speak..and those are nt great..and eating too much also, not great..coz socializing = eating rite?..:)
nway, i have be such a loser, called by a good friend of mine..yesterday. I went to MV alone, eat lunch alone..well, thats not a loser act..coz i think its alrite..plus, i can observe people..and just observe them..and i bought thing based on my judgment alone, well..turns out..it is good..says few person..so i know now..that i can trust my judgment...:)
nway, it becomes a loser, coz..i watch movie alone also..(well, before this, its ok..i mean, the seat was away from no one, so i am watching it alone..)..but this time, both seats next to me was occupied...on my left side, was group of boys chilling together...and on my right side, a couple spending time together..and i am stuck in between those two boys...
hahaha..you are rite at the end of the day izuan, I AM A LOSER!!..
:)..but am i?
is spending time alone, make me a loser?
u think?

what i learn today...

I went to UM medical library today, to find journals for my research paper...and well, i am VERY IMPRESSED with it..so many journals, like so many. and if i had all the time in world, good chair, and not so bored, i will read all those, but seems i had today to find what i want, and yes..it is not easy.
even with all the journals, and flipping it one by one, it is really hard to find just exactly what i want. i have to extract it bit by bit and then, read and make a good conclusion on it.
and then it just hit me, finding the prefect literature for my research is like finding the perfect guy for me...hahah..
i am surrounded with 'world' of guys..(the so many journals in the library)...and flipping each of it...just like i became friends with them, check on them...and getting what i want is the hardest thing, coz there is none like i want. I have to extract them, and make a conclusion based on what i want.
with guys, human..how can i make them?.i just can evaluate them, thinking what suites me well, then..hmm...
but i can extract his characteristics and mine, and ensure my child/s will get them...in end, it be just like what i wanted.
Just a thought to me...a wise one..it is human,it can never be made. coz in the end, there is one thing called, heart; where all the actions, thoughts, coming from it.

Everything is with return...

There is none, or hardly any..thing that is ikhlas nowadays, except with return in the end.

Kingdom of stress vs. kingdom of boredom...

This is the final week in this sem before the revision week (next week) and examination week (week after that)...in most public university.
so, there has been two situation. one, the students that get too stressed finishing off the assignments, the presentations, the works, and tests..and they hope for the revision week for the time they want to relax before study again.
and well, there is another group, the one in the boredom..which is me:)...(but the fact that this post should be posted early this week), make me already busy now. i am occupied with the research project, that my mind took longer time to process things. this is really make me headache. Everyday, there is to do list that i could not cancel, things to read on, concentrate on..and think on..devise is another aspect also.
so, practically, now my holiday is over and i have to start doing my research seriously and race against time. coz ideas strike in and limited time already to do everything.
so, in the end, i will be busy, but i will always jump in to give opinions on things.
take care people.

What Is Lacking....

Sometimes in this semester; for the past couple of months...i had a need, a thing that is lacked in my mouth (life)..and i have been in hunt searching for that.

I want something to eat, food specifically that make me, when i taste it...feel good. So good and..its just not a stomach food, but also food for the soul and heart.

I have eaten mostly, all food that i can think off, that have been the one i indulge when i am 'down'; but seems now, those food brings no effect to me.

so what is the kind of food that can make me 'whole'?..anyone who have any ideas, please tell me.

and i also have this one bad habit lately...i criticize on food. well, sometimes out loud, sometimes just a food for thought. I used to be the one bot criticizing food, but now i am..wonder why.

have to live with that i guess.

guess, before i hit 23, i realized what is happening with me, what is wrong with me, how to improve and how i have changed.

Before i hit 23, i am being someone else, and somehow, maybe...
those that had happened before, happen for a reason.

And maybe this is it.

seems that...

When i read back, few things that i have posted earlier on in life, seems i have grown matured..way matured in most of the entries..
in adult-ship life; i mean...we then to be reserved...in most things on what's going on in our life..
we tend to think, in every such ways to ensure we are not making any mistakes in life and end up not communicating.
That is why, i think..the best way..the best thing...
is talking..communicate..
it is hassle free, and easy...
but need more understanding between each other only.

Kacau Rendang,,,,

This raya, was the first raya that i have spend celebrating in kg rather than in kl..coz my dad went for umrah...anyway, i helped my nenek doing the must have delicacies for the raya..i perah santan for rendang and kacau the rendang ayam.and my nenek actually taught me how to do the rendang ayam with few tips..guess, i must be lucky to be taught the recipes and well, selagi dier hidup, i will try and get all her knowledge so i do have the little things that make my life more meaningful later on..
and these are few of the pics...its not a posing pic, even though i end up like one..hahah..enjoy.

Once Upon A Time..

This is the scenery in front of my grandparents house in Rembau. That rock..the big rock..well, there is a story behind it.
When i was young, and very little, traveling to kg was the think that i look forward too. The one and half hour journey, seems so far and full of stops by us, bt now..the hour and half journey..seems so sekejap and breezy and just a drive in the highway..
nway, when i was young, whenever i am back in kg, that rock seems so huge and humongous to me. I always want to go there, to be on top of that rock. To stand and just feel on top of something big. Sometimes, my boy cousins and I will play masak2 there, by collecting leaves and grass, and mashed it with batu2...and ranting..at the holes we see around the rock....
and as usually, my dad will called us in, worried and marah me..and my sisters. He will said, it is dangerous, and i dont know what else.
bUT NOW..that rock seems so small and recently, i wonder, what makes me adore the rock last time..
i guess, im getting older, and the perspectives are all different...
and maybe, just maybe, if i am married and had kids when my grandparents are still alive, i will show them this rock..the place where i spent my younger days on..abd maybe, just maybe..my kids..will end up behaving just like me..and grow interest into the same rock also..
after all, kids end up behaving and acting the same way as what their parents once before, right?....

Back at home...

I am back at home..after 3 days in kg in Rembau..yurp, yurp..its KJ constitution as well...:)..and i just met my dad. He went for Umrah this raya and i just gt the chance to meet him, 3 hours ago..but, something was not rite, somehow i feel it.
Maybe he just tired. I dont know.
Anyway, Selamat Hari Raya to anyone that read my blog.