Friday, July 18, 2008

Im bored

Im back in Kuantan, and im bored to death. I want to play some strategy games, but seems that the gurls dont have it (duh), aso i have to asked the boys..which i dreaded to since, i dont want to be whatever they want to called it as. So im stucked in borednedd-dom.
i spend my morning chatting over the YM and, and finding the research paper.
Oh, yeah. i want to go the MalaysianStudent Leader Summit, but seems, the place already booked up and and i have lab that day..waaa..not quite cool eh?
and i kinda piss with someone, well..not exactly, coz i tend to ignore what i felt nowadays and grow up from it, i mean..let it be just a temporary thing lah.
so what else is new..nothing.
oh, yer..tomorrow is my kulliyyah interaction day, the last one in my life as a student.
heh, cant wait to feel young again..but i guess..we are already matured and grow up..
but i want to feel young at heart..but matured in emotions, and mind and thinking.
so few steps need to be done as well, so let me see..where shall i start?
will get back to you when i had the time.
next week, i'm startingmy practical and im going home.:) cant wait!!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008


One of the things that Prophet SAW left us was that we should be take a great care of the parents friends and panjangkan the silaturrahim..and yes, the older generation done that very well. The baby boomer, the one that still have the conservatives value. But sooner, there comes the generation x; where this constitutes our parents,my parents. They will take care of the relationship, when it bring benefits for them, well, let say, some of it only, but they will only visit them when they have time, which in fact, they have limited time they know and still remember their parents friends but they just dont keep in touch with them much.
Then comes the Generation Y. Which is me, my era. Well, for us, we dont even know who are our parents friends. .for the fact itself.and the parents dont bother to introduced us, so there goes..another generation. Plus, even they do introduce us, we end not having any time to visit them
Im not sure whats the generation Z might be.
Then there comes another ways of thinking;
for the baby boomer, they are very conservative. They want things properly and based what they did with the religions. So they are the conservative. They are not open with the homosexual issue, the sodomy, the lesbians, gays, friends for benefits..
they generation x, they realizes these things are happening, bt they tend to open up your mind and accept these things. They dont mind with the lesbians and gays and etc. but they avoid in doing it. They dont mind marrying ones, or living with ones.
Then there are the generation y..these generations practically doing it. And they dont feel any bit guilty of doing that, for for them, this is the way of progressive thinking and they feel its the social norm nowadays and as i mentioned before, virginity is not an issue here. So there goes another aspect of each generation.
They question here; what will happen to the next generation if these already coming nowadays..

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Recent aspect

I am home now. And its Sunday. There are plenty of things to do and i have not done it yet. I supposed to think and draft on my research, watch Becoming Jane (again)..yup just those two. But since i am home. new errands taking up. The kitchen, the place where the heart of the home is, my beloved daddy, assign me to ensure it to be perfect, urm..better, excellent. So again, another trip to ikea, and i have to spent my brain thinking on how to decorate, imagine how the kitchen going to be look after this. Huh, it really makes me tired. I Have imagine at the same think, buying it and voila...What's new then, after i woke up from my sleep this morning, my dad asked me to buy plants and 'stuffs' for landscaping. He do left me the money thought. But, i was mortified and horrified,. C'mon, i have to think again, and this concern the lawn. I'm not good at this, not yet. So i started Googling...huh. and told my dad, this is going to take alot of hardwork. if you dont want to call an expert, since you have to monitored the plants need. So my dad said, dont buy it yet;today, but get a landscaping magazines and study it. Another thing to be looking at and study carefully besides my research.
And i just finished reading Dina Zaman; I am Muslim, this morning. Her book, was all true about Muslim in Malaysia. We just lose, with the religions and its really hard to survived nowadays. But , for me..its a reality and something must be done with it. Mostly, all that, are peer pressure and the need to fit in. For example, going to club, drinking, not wearing the veiled..if there is no peer pressure, this thing will be less likely to happen.
On the issue of virginity..its still is sacred and important. And what with the men doesnt even have to be virgin, just how selfish this community can be. You want to experience all the enjoyment in the world,; yet instead, still want a virgin lady to be your wife.
As for me, i play it equal on some aspect. There was also someone told me that I am like the Sister in Islam, because i have opinion on what i want to be, an in equality. Well, it hurts since it came from someone you love.
So truth be told here and reality does get checked...We, the Malays, especially, take religion for granted. We only comes back to Allah when we are in pain, suffered and earth calamity strike us. We choose and decide that we can repent when we get old, but til when will we survive and live in this earth? We comfort ourselves by saying we are not the Musyrikin, not an apostate and never shed our faith in believing that Allah the one and true God. For that, we said that for all the sins that we have done in this earth, and if we go to Hell after we died, for so long afterwards, we can still be in the Heaven. And thats us, for being the progessive Muslim, the think positive Muslim, the modern Muslim. And that's why, we are lost, and started to seek other ways to be accepted in Islamic modern ways, and we are gotten more lost than heading for the truth.
In fact, to be noted here, i am myself still wonders few things in life that concerns this as well.
If im was to read this book 5 months ago, i may not accept and be mortified, horrified even shocked to death, when i know whats going on in this society.
But, i grew. To be open up, to understand more, to learn, to think and reflect of what this life offers me. I grew matured in life and thinking. I may at that time, be the one said, 'i Could not believe them, or Dina Zaman named in this book as 'The Other', i may be in the one that think i am better than the rest in some aspect. But now, i realized thing more. I have been schocked and the fact disturb my sleeps for some times when i knew it, but now I have not.
Maybe there is hikmahs of everything that happen for the last 5 months. Maybe there was deep hikmah when i met that someone and maybe there is hikmah of everything that happen in my life recently.
But whats important is; to realize we are as a Muslim, to be grateful to Him is enough and in doing so, do whats He loves best for it is best for us as well.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


Today, my life started get back on track. The love story is 80% done, i finally let go..(i hope so) and i want to keep it away.Anyway, in the less than a month, i moved into a new house, get a room on my own finally..haha(but i still miss my old room mate, along lahpun..i mean we have been room mates since i could not possibly remember when despite all the fighting and arguing)..guess, growing up already:)
then, i am having my new laptop. This part, I am still guilty and i have make a promise to myself that i will take care of this laptop, like very very much. I mean, my first laptop was compaq and accidentally spilled water on it..its not even a year pun. Then, its dell inspiron, bought it when i starting out my degree and lasted on for 3 years..with so many problems with it. Right after the warranty was off,there appears strips of line on the screen and i have been living with that for 2 years. The ultimatum was when it got overheated and died. Even the power supply was not working and there it goes. And the last now, my new one,my latest and the one i loved very much at the moment my ASUS...till now i was wondering why am i not choosing ASUS in the first place over other brand in the market..
i mean, i like the design, i like the name. just like the same reasons people will go after Macbook, well, its rare also to find people using ASUS, and i like to the bits. I mean, yesterday, i was lining up to set up my WIFI in the IT department, and there are plenty of people using compaq, acer, dell and benq. That was my choices last time also. There are some that used sony vio and im not sure i have encountered any using macbook..uhuh..and ASUS besides me:)..
what else i like about my new laptop, well, its the same just like any other vista (what im using now), but i still like it..thansk bunch to abah and jadati.. this time, i will treat and jaga it good k..
what else is new, hmm...oh, car. Abah bought it for me and it was all cool and im thankful for that.
Oh yeah, what really new that wasnt supposed to be new..
i guess, finally us..the siblings, the sisters..are so closed with each other. We spend our time at home and we are closed that we called each other mostly everyday..thanks to abah for the line and along..we need to be in one we call each other for free too..:)...the rest, bilah, aiman and will come this to stage and its was fun. Just open up to us..and we will be there for you..i love you lots k..
and for some reason, that one particular person that thought me a lot on this. I mean, no matter how disassatraous yer family are, dysfunction or sort; they will be the one you love more and will love you..its just there..the security and the pamperness just wont go matter what.
I cant wait to be home, which is like less than 36 hours.. I mean, i just get here last sunday, but i want to be home. I am homesick these days. I ate perfectly well, but i just feel hungry or not energetics..heheh. Want to be home and get cozy and lazy on the couch and watch the tv series and laugh heartedly with my siblings.
I guess for now, my heart is empty of love from the someone special thats why i loved my family like so much much more..kinda like a lil hypocrite aite..huhhu.
and i miss hanging out at least once in a week at any kopitiam and just shared the stories between us. More like to gossiping rite?hehe
and my learning issue for the past weeks..
maybe lesson came for me in hard ways. I have to experienced all that so that i know whats the best for me. Just like when i bought all the notebook. The first one was by impulse, and look where it got me. The second one, i think it through and asked people, but my option wasnt wide enough. I still in this glass that i set a bar, a line, that i could not buy beyond somethings..that i settle for that even after careful thought..and looks what happened in the end. And, my third one, i love it to the bits. Hope its fits what i want in a laptop..well, it do so far and i want to take care of it like hell. Well, hopefully, the third time is the charm, after 2 hard lesson of letting ur money down the drain.
And maybe this is a lesson for me too. Getting and wanting to get married and get engaged early. Its either impulsive (first case), or i have think it through, but i just didnt open my eyes wide enough for all the options to be pouring in some hypocritical reasons (i hope not) and last one, after everything have been weight upon.
Its hard..hurting many people in the process, but its when we know that we are finally grown and get ready to be in adult world.
And to be noted, some people just know to express their saying without exactly felt the pain and love..perhaps.
till then, love you lots.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

New Day, New Sem...

Hiye there people, its been awhile.
Im back in Kuantan and I get homesick now..hahaha..kinda funny also. I beg my dad not to leave me that soon in Kuantan, but he wants to go back to home early, so i have to get my lunch in my Mahallat's cafe. Well, then it struck me that i am a senior. My my, i could not bear the thought that i am a senior. I feel old. There are too much of unfamiliar faces around me and i know i have to prepared of what may come soon in real life. And i have to enjoy my life as much as i can now, before i finally have to face all the real life crisis that effect the whole world.
I went to my gath, of 510 MRSMJ 01/02 last sat in KLCC. It was fun meeting all of them. But turns out, there's only 9 of us. There others have things in their way. But we talked and discussed and taking pictures. Lots of it. Much much also. The pictures will come soon.:).
and what else happening...
oh yeah, wait..I'm moving into new home. i like it. I dont know why, but i like it. Maybe the serenity. Will tell you more on that later.
And now, what is my plan for. Is to write a story of my love life that cause pain in me, so that i can move on. Its been 2 days since i'm working on that story and cant wait for it to be over. Spilling it, writing it, cause much pain in me. It feel hurt in the inside, but i have to spill it out. I have to let go and be free from the memory. When i reread the text messages and what ive written, it made me cried in the inside. Hope i can cried also on the outside. But hope i will not also. I have to let go, and i want to end the story ASAP.
Pray for me and senior year, here i comes.

love, me.