Thursday, May 29, 2008

Where Rainbow Ends...

This is a novel, by Cecillia Ahern. Great novel, could not put it down, the moment i read it.
This novel is not a novel, but just notes, emails, letters, chat conversation of a lady, name Rosie Dunne. This story is about a bestfriends, Alex and Rosie; been friends since 5 years old. Fall in love with each other, but making mistakes and life's decision. Married the college sweetheart, high school sweetheart and etc. And i know, im spoiling the surprise now,, but after 45 years..yurp, you get me right, at the age of 50, both of them confessing of their love and wants to be with each other for real.
What the novel emphasize is the "magical silence moment"..
and i wonder..have i experience that. It said, when you get that moment. you know you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, and that person is your "one,the one"..but have it experienced it, encountered it?>>> i wonder.
and i am tired to think and reflect of my love life now..its tiring and exhausted. I dont know what i want now, but i know, if i can just repeat my life, i want to start from the moment i had my PMR result, i will not moved out from Sri Aman...or okay..changed that..if i do go to MRSM JASIN...then i will stay "gay", not falling in love, or jump out to love and be the best, so there wont be things that i will regret in my life.
I could not remember things that i regret before im 15, but since that..i am regretting hell lotsa of things..and i need to stop now.
I want to be the best and at least, for once..stop regretting of what happened in my life, for i controlled my life with my sane mind back then, instead of impulsive-emotion driven mind nowadays.
Hell, i want a bestfriend and a moment, those magical moment and spent my life, having someone that i think of constantly and love no matter what happened.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Haigen Diaz ice cream, shared with Sofiah..damn nice...and then seafood pizza at Swensen..along and abah treat..and celebrating Mother's Day with jadati..buying classic cheesecake(no, i dont love if anyone reading my blog want to treat me with mum's frozen cheese cake still the best!!), braking to hard..the cake box toppled over and voila..look what happen to the lesson to learnt..DONT BREAK FAST AND it safe, play it cool..:))
till then, enjoy the indulgement sensation..

Happy..Ceria?! in SMC been telling you that in my previous post. Today, the typist for the radiologist, told me that i am a ceria girl. That whenever i start talking or even open my mouth, i am happy..i feel not. I mean, i dont think so..i feel just normal and mundane..hahah..seriously...then the radiologist..he look stressed, i mean, he is stressed..then i called him to go to CT scan to review the images..and he said, fatima..why are you always happy? can you not...hahah..i am shocked, so i said..when im on my PMS, then i will be in bad mood..heheh...then he smile:)).so overall, maybe i am happy kot..i mean, thats my siblings..talkatives, happy always, even so many things in mind and loud..hahah.
so, let see, whats going on lately...that friend, the long lost friend..oh..not the long lost friend, that called me, and texted me...on the last day exam..and im happy, coz thats mean "someone" still want to be friends with me..YEAY...hehe. so we talked a little, just that. and "someone" went back to hometown..i want to meet that someone, but seems that someone dont want to meet be it lah, no need to wait and hope for something that seems impossible:)
so on my weekends, after my practical..i went to my gramma's house..was a blast actually..took my grandma out for shopping of her groceries with two of my guy cousins..hahah..first time, man!..and we went and have something to much on just me and 3 guy cousins later on..went home before maghrib and feel great..coz spend sometime and make my grandma happy:))
on sunday..i watched, Seven..owh..thats sat nite movie..great one..7 deeds that make you rot in hell..Christians version kay..:)its 1995 movie and eventhough get ranked 18 those days, its so clean and have "nothing"..unlike the U nowadays...:(huh.
that sunday morning, watched, that series was good..damn good..hehe, and spend my noon sleeping coz will spent my time watching movie with fam that nite..Indiana Jones..heheh..
dam cool rite. Thanks to abah, for treating us at the BK and to along for the movie tickets..:))!!
and thats it..owh, wait up..before i went to the cinema, i watched movie and just cool lah..luck on yer side, Jeff Ma:))
and just now, i have lunch with my special friend. He is someone, that im so close with, i am close with..since i left Jasin till now. And we never met even once after high school. but we keep in touch by phones and smses only..and yurp..just now, was the first..after nearly 6 years didnt meet and then voila...hehe..
kinda fun hanging out with him and. I hope he did not hope much from me. I hate when the guys end up in love with me..or they thought they were after the first date. I mean, i know im flexible and can get along with anyone..but c'mon, you must like someone more than just the first date. The attraction must be there,and the spark..well, for me..i go for the chemistry..:)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Day in, Day Out

I have started in new centre for my practical. Well, let just say everything has its good and bad side, and it depends on the person, own self to want to change. The self will. ..:) I just have to make a good use of it and hope for the best and may i learn some thing, new things there.
In my love life aspect, i feel empty inside. I mean, im engaged...but its not the same feeling. I feel more like i am single. I have no one to turn too, to confide into. I have shutting down my self, except to my own, and people that i know i will not encounter them much.
In my previous history of life, this is the time where i look for boyfriend, as someone to fill up my time, my boredness, to just listen to me, to care and to my extra time..and when i do get tired or suddenly, just dont feel like having someone, then i just break up. But now, is not like last younger days.
After my time with aslam, he just thought me the meaning of being in commitment relationship and to stay through thick and thin with that one person. so yeah, its hard to just fling around now, or find someone to be the one.
I just wonder, how someone knows who to get married with..and spend the rest of their life with.
and how that someone, knows that rite at that moment, they met the one, and lost that person to they lived their life with that. Do they moved on or some time, in their life long journey, they will think and reflect and regret for not able to do anything to have that one person.
In life, i learn and grow up...and get matured.
And make mistakes, and learn from the mistakes and improve.
not stay and stick with that mistake.
Someone, one person support is all that needed, and that one person will make me strong. A thousand people will break me, and that one person is needed.
For me, that one person is my dad.
Happy Fathers Day, maybe this blog comes to soon or maybe, its just not the time yet..but yeah..i Love you..aBAH.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

The Call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll cone back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye

-Up to you to interpret this feeling. But it do give me emotion wave, the lyrics i mean.
to that one person, we didnt say goodbye, aint we?

Thursday, May 15, 2008


What is the value of family?
how does it really work....

The Long Goodbye

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be (so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you
I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill
(climbin' up a hill)


This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out
And if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?
(on a wing and prayer)


This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye

[Chorus x2]

The long goodbye
The long goodbye
This is the long goodbye

Someone please tell me why

Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Are you ever coming back again
Guess I'm never coming back again

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Today i did not go to my practical. Got MC for 2 days. High fever, yesterday. Was planning to stay up doing my assignment, but end up in DSH till nearly mid night. had to do blood test to check for dengue. Never know private hospital a&e can be hectic an 'pasar' like at night...huhu. nway, till now, my assignment haven't finished off yet. when i started it, i feel sleepy..thanks to the drugs im taking..haha.
and i am furious to that one could that one person put me in the reject list of call list. That was unfair, except that one person treat me like i am his ex. Meaning, big no-no and that one person still could not differentiate and accept what it mean as F-R-I-E-N-D-S!wELL, suit that one person then, guess tis will happen and i should have prepared for it. i mean, i do expect it to happen, just dont expect it will happen exactly as what i have counted for. so this will be it. hope he get whats best the life can offer for him.
and new thought in life. I am so scared of marriage and raising kids in this world nowadays. Not just about the recession or the inflation; more to the social norm nowadays. Its my age, my era, and i am shitless scared of it, i am still adopting to the reality, how am i going to protect my kids.
I know, some liberal thinking will just said, it's their lives, so its up to them. But a verse in the Quran, the parents are the one that shaped the kids lives. Am scared, seriously.
If i am not capable of raising my child, planning to stay single, be an andartu..hahah...and a nanny mcphee. baby sit someone else child, give them the great lesson in life and move on..knowing i have make some life, if not a life, better in this world.

Monday, May 5, 2008

i hope the best

i know he is someone special to me, somehow i feel it and i know it is more than last time, the days. coz i felt it before, i know how it felt. but i am being rational now. i hope and pray the best for him and his family.
He is someone dear to me, for the reason i cudnt explain ever.
and its the 5th day, still surviving.
and i am tired now.
lotsa of luck you..yes you.

Sunday, May 4, 2008


its 4th may, nothing much happened to me..
except usual things; family, fiancee' and battlestar gallactica..!!~~..
so anyhow, im surviving, and able to withheld myself, but i do dream...sigh.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

1st May

Well, today is Labour Day, so on break from my practical.
Had my first show, first day movie, in OU, Ironman. Nice movie, well proves that even bad people have heart, i mean, for some lah, but nice to have geniuses, money and heart, but not nice with the casanova thingie...hehe
nway, lunch at fish & co.; and realized that i'm not a fish and chip person. Well, feels something missing with the menu (i mean, not the dish there, but the fish and chip as a whole) i asked for chile sauce, to add some taste, add up pepper, and lemon, obviously!!=)
and bought myself new wallet, so erase another memory, moving on i mean..uhuh..hard eh;P. and having my dinner at Swensen's in SS2. along and abah treat and, thank you very much=)).having fun dinner with family, and having my dad around...and then later, watched 'Return to Me'.
It's a love story flick, made in 1998 starring David D. and Minnie D. The storyline, was intriguing. A bit slow, wondering why the director added all up, but later realized that, those part plays its part too. There is no sex, well..maybe since its 10 years ago, but still...hehe, and the conflicting emotion, i can feel it too, when watching it. Its not about fairytale love, coz the fairy tale loved die. Its about not forgetting the one we love and moving on and love someone else, truly.
Kill line in this movie is by David D.,"She the second person that i love as a men, not as a guy". Get what it mean rite?..and the word 'I love you'; at the end of the movie, he said it. Before that, the way they looked at each other, holding hands, and kissing. Making love is not there.
Well, for a start, D avid D. wont starred in love making movie, if im not mistaken..he's in love and devoted truly to his wifey, Tea L. Sweet couple!!
So lastly, to wrap up my day, I hope, i pray, that i can move on, from any guy thats bothered my mind now. Starting today, i'm keeping up my record. So, first day, Surviving.