i have settle

finally, i have seen it. I thot with friends it will be different, and i give my best. I try to be the best for them, with the hope that it is different from couple relationship. but turn out, it is the same.
and maybe, i test myself, make me venture into it..to see how it goes, and now i have seen the result. There is no such thing as pure love anymore, not between friends anymore. Even like, or love between boy and girl make them do things they never do before..there is no unselfish love anymore.
maybe is still exist, but with four best buds, i have not seen it.
there goes friendship.
so if i stop loving them, does that make me like them?
i am not stopping myself from loving them, i am stop. and loving myself more.
i need to mend me, to pull me back again, to be happy again and find and head back to my friends, who love me and not selfish.

Love Story

This is my current love song. I love this song. Not just the lyric, but the tune.
It felt so lively and uplifting.
if i were to dream, it will be this song as the back ground song and me and my Romeo are dancing on a field of grass happily...and lovingly..:))
but is't just a dream though...

"We were both young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes and the flashback starts:
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air.

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
See you make your way through the crowd
and say hello;

Little did I know
That you were Romeo; you were throwing pebbles,
And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And I was crying on the staircase,
begging you, 'Please, don't go.'"

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,
And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"

And I said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's so real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"

Oh.

I got tired of waiting,
Wondering if you were ever comin' around.
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And I said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think-"

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you..."

Love Story..

I just finished reading, Message in A Bottle, by Nicholas Sparks. And it was great. i mean, hmmm..honestly, it was great, except it didn't give me the usual emotional emotions as usual, when i read the story.
What can i conclude from the great love story are:
1) the man and woman, usually end up not being together for some fate or life circumstances happened.
2) either it took a short period of time, or long period of time, the great love will not end up perish.
3) that the hurt will stay on there, lingering, and it will take more than a short period of time, to move on and get ahead of life and feel love again.
4) that when the next 'right' person come in line, the feeling can wash aside the latter emotions and that is what matter.
5) that it is hard to fall in love with anyone without the 'it'.

this are all from the great love story..
except this keep on bothering me..

1) if the great love story did not took place till forever, then when we end up marrying someone, how to stay afloat in that emotions if that's not the great love (between human i mean)?

if anyone, have any answer or have felt it, do share please...
and

this kind of love is hurt.

A food for thought...

I had a conversation with a friend of mine; and he told me this..
"A man that supposed to be lead by his brain (mind),
A woman supposed to lead by her emotions,
but..
when a man was lead by his emotions, thats mean either he anak manja or x rase susah in life til he did not grow up..
and when a women was lead by her mind, thats mean she had many experiences and kesusahan in life that make her be that way."

So, where i am?...
I am lead by both. I am rational, and sensible..but i am emotional lead also.
I am not totally menjadi lelaki, or hati amat keras, coz sometimes my emotions took over and i am a woman at that moment.

Just in balance, is what i am.
Nway, this blog may be on hold for a while, til my exam is over.

what i learn today...

I went to UM medical library today, to find journals for my research paper...and well, i am VERY IMPRESSED with it..so many journals, like so many. and if i had all the time in world, good chair, and not so bored, i will read all those, but seems i had today to find what i want, and yes..it is not easy.
even with all the journals, and flipping it one by one, it is really hard to find just exactly what i want. i have to extract it bit by bit and then, read and make a good conclusion on it.
and then it just hit me, finding the prefect literature for my research is like finding the perfect guy for me...hahah..
i am surrounded with 'world' of guys..(the so many journals in the library)...and flipping each of it...just like i became friends with them, check on them...and getting what i want is the hardest thing, coz there is none like i want. I have to extract them, and make a conclusion based on what i want.
with guys, human..how can i make them?.i just can evaluate them, thinking what suites me well, then..hmm...
but i can extract his characteristics and mine, and ensure my child/s will get them...in end, it be just like what i wanted.
Just a thought to me...a wise one..it is human,it can never be made. coz in the end, there is one thing called, heart; where all the actions, thoughts, coming from it.