Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Finale....

After 3 years, experiencing life to the fullest..it's time to stop.
I runaway from facing the reality, cause I need a break.
During the 'phase out', I learn a lot about..human.

I received many advices, perceptions, assumptions, judgements. I encountered my worst self, and became a human.

I feel pretentious living...I am lost...

I am still in need for that peaceful...inner bliss...
and yet til now, I am scare to make that decision.

In other word. I am still a child.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

2 choices...

assalamualaikum,
it's been a long time since i write in this blog.
for few months before, i have been facing with major decisions that involves two choices.
regarding my future, my life.
i lists all the pros and cons when deciding.
i get my parents views and other people views, regarding all aspects.
I istikharah.
(I forgot the narrator, but there is a hadith saying, x rugi org yg beristikaharah and bermusyuwarah before making a decision).
i have taken my steps, and yes, with all efforts that i have done in deciding all my future, there is sabar. the biggest pemangkin. sbb tu ade hadith ckp, sabar sebahagian daripada iman.

but logically (in my opinion), we must make a decision. there is no choosing both to puaskan hati dua2, or coz we nak play it safe. in this case, play it safe dah x valid, its more to being selfish or greed. we want both and just to satisfy diri sendiri, we do it.

sometimes, mmg keputusan kena buat, and people get hurt. but i remember what my lecturer told me, once decision has been made, kena istiqamah. penting tuh. and a friend once told me, i made my decision already; i've jumped already, nw to see im landing or not, safely.

and the worst decision to be made, when involve what we want and what our parents want. it is not easy. and istikharah still penting.

recently, i read(dh lame tinggal benda nie) kisah2 nabi...and on nabi adam a.s. remember about his anak2, twins of habil and iqlima and qabil and labuda. well, nabi adam nak kawinkan anak die with qabil and iqlima and habil and labuda. but qabil bangkang. and nabi adam x nak anak2 die bergaduh and pecah belah. so nabi adam berserah to Allah, and Allah tunjuk yg die terima korban Habil (you can read yang longer version in buku, or al-quran). it is a very good story for a family in decision making.

and by this, mmg parents penting and also istikaharah to Allah. He will give intuition or gerak hati to his servants.

I subscribe to daily meditation, and one of the advice they told me, listen to the inner feelings, the gut feelings. and guess what, in Islam, Allah pun suruh kite listen to that, especially after we istikharah and bermesyuarat.

so listen.

and lastly, as adult, matured thinking sensible adult, regardless of what our choice were, when we picked one, the end results, there shall be no one to be blame on it. except our self. and no regret, avoid it. jgn sbb parents yg suruh kite do something and something bad or not good happen with it, we blame on our parents. or our spouse made us do it, we blame it on them.

in life, the decision rests upon us, with Allah guiding us, and parents /husband (for perempuan) sokong. anyhow remember, hati manusia mmg senang dibolak balik by syaitan and only to Allah kite boleh berserah and berharap. so pray.

as for me, i pray my relationship with parents will not severe with my decision.
i believe in Him, and i believe He will help me.

Ameeen.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Preseverance...


Tomorrow, less than 20 hours, the submission of my 12 credit hours final year paper...
i am numb now, there are so many feelings that i want to feel, i hope i managed to feel it tomorrow, together with relief of course.
i mean, i have been here for four years, and the last two years has been challenging enough, that for me to survived now, still make me wonder how.

Maybe, this is the lesson i learn here, now, when i am in university...that it is not what the books taught you too, not what the lecturers taught too, but it is the hidden value that we bring with our selves when we come out from the place.

The friends that we still care and keep in touch, the memories that soon will fade since human are temporary..in everything...but most importantly,

Ourselves...we bring ourselves outside with all the values, the maturity, the experiences...to make us face the world and face what life can offer.

I am facing what life can offer me..in less than 20 hours..am i ready?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

selfish, self-less

selfish, is what people have, but the difference is..it is more menonjol or not.
so if you want to see weather a certain someone is selfish or not..
try to look at pictures..
it works really well, when in group of friends..some poeple love taking pictures and some love to be taken pictures of.
but the truth is why..some people love to be taken pictures off, because they want to see it later on..and they wont realize others that was not inside the pictures.
and for people that love taking pictures, yes they love it, but 'maybe' coz they end up beralah, coz the others wont do the picture taking...and wants to get inside the picture.
one way to try and be self-less...go out with a group of friends, and bring a camera. if they dont want to take pictures of others and expect 'you' as the only...they are selfish and i bet they dont care about you not getting into the picture..
but thats the way to become unselfish and embrace yourself...it is really tough and painful..knowing people dont care and selfish with themselves.

We get back...

Just now in the car, on my way to Terus Maju, Temerloh after practical; this came to mind..
" Whatever we said, we always get it back".
Its like this, when we say bad things about other people, mostly about x puas hati with them, sooner or later we will end up doing it..and its what people (the one that realize this concept) afraid off.
So that is why in Islam, or even in Al-Qur'an, this has been address. We have been told not to talk bad about other people, to express to unsatisfaction openly - with the intention to burukkan that person, and make us feel like we are the good one..coz end up, we will be like them
so this cross my mind;
if we talk bad about other people, we will end up like them; what if we always talk good about other people..and cherished them, will we be like them later on in life?
]

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

i have settle

finally, i have seen it. I thot with friends it will be different, and i give my best. I try to be the best for them, with the hope that it is different from couple relationship. but turn out, it is the same.
and maybe, i test myself, make me venture into it..to see how it goes, and now i have seen the result. There is no such thing as pure love anymore, not between friends anymore. Even like, or love between boy and girl make them do things they never do before..there is no unselfish love anymore.
maybe is still exist, but with four best buds, i have not seen it.
there goes friendship.
so if i stop loving them, does that make me like them?
i am not stopping myself from loving them, i am stop. and loving myself more.
i need to mend me, to pull me back again, to be happy again and find and head back to my friends, who love me and not selfish.

Monday, January 12, 2009

finally...

its been a long time since i post one here...its not due to busyness of anything..but more to tired to blog, to much tab to browse into, too playful and enjoying lately..

my thoughts:

1) that based on today's news, i dont know where Islam stands anymore in this world..not, let alone Malaysia. there are too many people fighting it.

2) i cannot now, demarcated the good and bad. i dont know where to draw to line. no, thats doesnt meant i have done those things, but more like i encountered it in real life, seen it. so what is good and bad then?

3) there is always be first time in life...but in encountering the first time; i- are we ready for what may come, ii- can we pull the brake and stop in the middle of it; iii- can we just take the first time and said, 'I have enough'.

4) so now i know, when in Islam said, pandangan pertama and all the pertama(s) in the our life, when it is against the syariat, then stop. turn away, head for another direction. it is easier said then done. coz after the first time, it will always be 'ketagih' and the nafsu mengawal diri.

5) this is when muhasabah, doa and keinsafan should come hand in hand. not because of 'forbidden love', but more to true love...