A mature encountered

"You are a fine lady with a class above the rest"

A spring crush, a mature friendship and a mature departure.
Full of admiration, full of respect.

It's a thin line left and mature decision taken.

A lost but, then...a gain..

Due to this, my once passionate feeling on exploring things emerge again...and would like become a scientist again....:)

Finale....

After 3 years, experiencing life to the fullest..it's time to stop.
I runaway from facing the reality, cause I need a break.
During the 'phase out', I learn a lot about..human.

I received many advices, perceptions, assumptions, judgements. I encountered my worst self, and became a human.

I feel pretentious living...I am lost...

I am still in need for that peaceful...inner bliss...
and yet til now, I am scare to make that decision.

In other word. I am still a child.

A Wednesday View

As I pass through my friends page in facebook,it fascinates me with how mane people that is single, getting married and already married.

And yet few of them, are my dear friends. Thus, may be for some of us, that is still single; had happened an event/events that make them to be more conscious and take a step back from the relationship drama. And just wait for the heart to be open and up to a point, when they don't care less of what had happened around them.

For my friends who are getting married; my prayers are for you. You are brave enough to make a leap for that. After hearing and knowing the married life from the experienced one, you are still brave enough.

For my friends who already married; congratulations. You have entered a new phase in life. Be strong. There are some i am envy of their happiness, wish i can have the same as them and they are some that i pray to god to give them strength for their new ship. it may be a battleship but yet, the love will grow.

As for all of you, we will never walk alone. The married one will be along side the family and the single one, I know you have your own pillar to hold on too.

Maybe this sounds to common for all of you;

But, Allah has promised His servants. He is with us, no matter what journey you head too

Istiqamah, sabar.

* Eventhough now i understand, that sabar mmg amat2 susah, thats y it's half of the iman.

Enjoy reading and thinking.

New Experience

I am in working environment now, thus there must be new experience for me to collect, to gain some insight on and to reflect and understand what is going on.

For me, sometimes, i feel like certain people treat me like i am still im matured, lack in experience, and whatever i told them, for them to judge me beforehand not for them to respect me.

Just because i, did not act like them before, they told me that i lack in experience, and i need to face life. but for me, i learn from experience, mine and others. why should i act like them to understand how they feel it thats bad?

sometimes, i feel like saying, when they were at my age, have they think like me?

please stop the judgemental preceptions.

nevertherless, my aim was working to gain information and knowledge, not others.

InsyaAllah, iman akan terjaga, as long as i know the basic.

InsyaAllah.

The Regret

There was time in my life, i try to avoid feeling regret, but lately..now, i think regret is a must.
I try to be positive and optimism, but in this particular case, those cant do, except that person really hati batu..
so i am regret.
and for me now, with love comes regret.

2 choices...

assalamualaikum,
it's been a long time since i write in this blog.
for few months before, i have been facing with major decisions that involves two choices.
regarding my future, my life.
i lists all the pros and cons when deciding.
i get my parents views and other people views, regarding all aspects.
I istikharah.
(I forgot the narrator, but there is a hadith saying, x rugi org yg beristikaharah and bermusyuwarah before making a decision).
i have taken my steps, and yes, with all efforts that i have done in deciding all my future, there is sabar. the biggest pemangkin. sbb tu ade hadith ckp, sabar sebahagian daripada iman.

but logically (in my opinion), we must make a decision. there is no choosing both to puaskan hati dua2, or coz we nak play it safe. in this case, play it safe dah x valid, its more to being selfish or greed. we want both and just to satisfy diri sendiri, we do it.

sometimes, mmg keputusan kena buat, and people get hurt. but i remember what my lecturer told me, once decision has been made, kena istiqamah. penting tuh. and a friend once told me, i made my decision already; i've jumped already, nw to see im landing or not, safely.

and the worst decision to be made, when involve what we want and what our parents want. it is not easy. and istikharah still penting.

recently, i read(dh lame tinggal benda nie) kisah2 nabi...and on nabi adam a.s. remember about his anak2, twins of habil and iqlima and qabil and labuda. well, nabi adam nak kawinkan anak die with qabil and iqlima and habil and labuda. but qabil bangkang. and nabi adam x nak anak2 die bergaduh and pecah belah. so nabi adam berserah to Allah, and Allah tunjuk yg die terima korban Habil (you can read yang longer version in buku, or al-quran). it is a very good story for a family in decision making.

and by this, mmg parents penting and also istikaharah to Allah. He will give intuition or gerak hati to his servants.

I subscribe to daily meditation, and one of the advice they told me, listen to the inner feelings, the gut feelings. and guess what, in Islam, Allah pun suruh kite listen to that, especially after we istikharah and bermesyuarat.

so listen.

and lastly, as adult, matured thinking sensible adult, regardless of what our choice were, when we picked one, the end results, there shall be no one to be blame on it. except our self. and no regret, avoid it. jgn sbb parents yg suruh kite do something and something bad or not good happen with it, we blame on our parents. or our spouse made us do it, we blame it on them.

in life, the decision rests upon us, with Allah guiding us, and parents /husband (for perempuan) sokong. anyhow remember, hati manusia mmg senang dibolak balik by syaitan and only to Allah kite boleh berserah and berharap. so pray.

as for me, i pray my relationship with parents will not severe with my decision.
i believe in Him, and i believe He will help me.

Ameeen.

A writer

It's been a long time since this blog updated..
and no..i have not stop thinking.
there are much in my mind, but its new month, and i need some new perspectives.
so i shall:

1. stop thinking about other people and start concentrating on me
2. start writing again, just like last time..' cause clarity comes with writing'
3. the pain will subsides, the experiences will make us matured, the wheel will keep on turning and as long as i want to feel alive and what this life can offer me, i have to bear all that.
but i learn also new thing.
perseverance and cold heart.